Organizational Mistakes

I cant for the life of me organize my life. It becomes one big blur and I feel frustrated. There is this feeling that overcomes me, like this uncontrolability of the future and it seems impossible for me to believe that in the future I will be doing the same exact thing. I begin to think, if I start keeping my room clean, I'm going to have to do this X amount of time and my mind wanders to the future and I get freaked, either discouraged because I know I cant do it, or the idea that I will be doing this in X amount of time. The sad reality is that I have been doing something for X amount of time and sustaining it: being unorganized.

My unorganization is costing me my career. I have worked my ass off to be where I am at, and I seem to be faltering in the last steps. So how can I concretely organize my life so that I am able to do the most out of it? I don't know and that makes me anxious and want to avoid. The anxiety is kind of killing me. My hands tremble there are knots in my stomach and I feel like I need to run and sit still. Like I want to get out of my skin, like my mind can take this free falling leave of my body. But of course it cant, and so I avoid.

I wait for a miracle or a saviour or both mainly becuase I do not believe in the power of me.
I do not want to leave this blog on this note, I want to instead look towards the future and look towards my goals what is important for me and what I need to do to get my life back on track.

One is: it's ok to be nervous, it's ok to be scared. Now take all those emotions and channel them towards the important thigns in life.
If graduate school and my career is important, then prioritize that instead of avoiding it.
First step: breathe and take stock of what needs to be done.
I need to finish my notes for my couples
I need to organize my thesis/manuscript and fix the data problems that I have on it.
I need to practice and look over the assessment material